Category Archive: Essay

Jul 07

Underground report: denver.

Underground report: denver. January 20, 2013 First time back in my office in a week. I just didn’t want to come in here. 1. it’s a damn mess. It happens. Getting ready for a trip/event, just start throwing stuff everywhere in a frenzy to get everything done. And still I don’t get it all done, …

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Jul 07

Underground Pre-Report: Cleveland, Ohio.

Underground Pre-Report: Cleveland, Ohio. April 15, 2013 miles and miles to go just days from cleveland and i’m using up wishes, hoping the jeep is fixed in time but know i’ll get there either way. maybe the howll-mobile rides again. maybe i skip the gps and get lost among the windmills in indiana. maybe just …

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Jul 07

Underground report: Carlinville, Illinois.

Underground report: Carlinville, Illinois. March 2013 I didn’t get lost until the way home. Which is usually the way it happens since I don’t bother with directions at that point. Not a big deal though since it was daylight and I have a general sense of the area already. I was able to clip down …

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Jul 07

Underground Report: Jacksonville, Illinois.

Underground Report: Jacksonville, Illinois. June 24, 2013 you can try to make sense of it, or … (just say Thank You) so how did this all come together? the reporter asks hhmmm. why isn’t this wifi working? how late are we running? does anyone have an extension cord?? how did what…? he should have been …

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Feb 01

Writing on the Walls of Public Property is Done Neither for Critical Acclaim, Nor Financial Rewards, Therefore It Is The Purest Form of Art – Discuss.

Dec 01

Fox News: First Impressions and a Potshot or Two

I discovered Fox News pretty much by chance. I had been going through my cable channels looking for a film or ballgame when I saw the Fox logo in the CNN slot. At first I thought that CNN was showing some Fox footage, but it soon became apparent that what I was seeing was Fox …

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Sep 15

Kids These Days

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by Jason Hardung Last night I was killing time and brain cells simultaneously, burning through random videos on You Tube when I came across a stand-up comedy bit by miserabilist and self-proclaimed alcoholic, Doug Stanhope. Between beers and cigarettes he talked about how things today are so safe and how our generation, Generation X, will …

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Aug 15

Dear Dr Catfish

from the desk of Dr Catfish McDaris Dear Dr Catfish, Just to piss off my little sister, I shoved her Barbie doll up my ass. I couldn’t get it out, finally I told my dad. He laughed so hard he passed out. My mom called an ambulance for both of us. My asshole seems stretched …

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Aug 15

Upon Summary Dismissal from the Faculty of a Tenth-Rate “University” in the Frozen Industrial Manchurian Wastes

by Tom Bradley Dear Dean Dung: Short of injuring my large person, there’s nothing bad China can do to me. Your country is impotent in terms of psychological retribution. You probably think that, as a result of this deportation you’ve so shiftily arranged for me, I’ll have to go home in shame to ostracism and …

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Aug 15

An Inappropriate Query

by Pantifesto To Whom it May Concern at this PUblication regarding my writing that i’m still thinking about what i want to write before submitting: Hi! My name is irrelevant but i know you are going to love my work! : ) My mom tells me my writing is like what would happen if Erma …

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