Underground report: denver. January 20, 2013
First time back in my office in a week. I just didn’t want to come in here. 1. it’s a damn mess. It happens. Getting ready for a trip/event, just start throwing stuff everywhere in a frenzy to get everything done. And still I don’t get it all done, which is why I didn’t want to come in here, really. This trip required an especially long “recovery” time. Physically, I was skating the line of flu and altitude sickness the entire time (shit is real), driving like a maniac, long long hours of wakeness and no naps. Lots of people that both inspire and freak me out. Listen, I like my naps- fuck off. Mentally, spiritually… jeezus crist. Nearly Required Emergency Room- title of my next chapbook. My experiences in denver were the very definition of polar opposites. Realizations that require drastic and severe, brutal unrelenting reflection and course of action. I will not apologize for anyone other than myself and with that I am kept fairly busy. Sorry, in advance and sorry later too. But I will not be sorry in the moment. I will be thoughtful just as much as I can. I will learn and move on. I have my own dilemmas and battles, dwelling on anyone else’s bums me out. Fuckit. I will move mountains to help a friend tow the line, no doubt. I got you. But life is too short to waste my time on motherfuckers who lie and use and don’t ever stop to consider what incredible douchebags they are. Goodnight and good luck, bitches.
As for the polar opposite of that. Goddammit- I love you people. The state of being so jaded which is something I have come to accept, is not necessary. It’s the moment of good food lovingly prepared with good, fun, crazy lion-mane wearing gangsters. Vikings. Laughing because it’s better than crying. Drawn documentaries and last minute haikus. Seeing the future right in front of you, all around you. Not cringing for once. One of those feelings that if you can hold it with you, it’s never going to suck. It will always be an adventure. And for that, I thank you.