Aug 04
Chaos to the Fly 1. It was fucking hot. Milsap believed there wasn’t a half acre of hell hotter than the northside of Hammond in the middle of July. It was the sort of heat that made you forget you had ever experienced cold weather. Of course, Northwest Indiana, sitting on the ass end of …
Jul 28
A Taste of My Zucchini “What happened to your pimp cane, Polish Hammer? Haven’t seen you brandishing it around for the better part of a week.” “Ah, one of those middle-aged strippers at Uncle Buck’s Booty Bungalow sat on it and broke it. Damn thing wasn’t near as stout as I thought it was. But, …
Jul 21
In Search of the Incorporeal Handjob, or My Night with the Huntsville Paranormal Investigators I don’t always have money. I know you see the pimp cane I carry and think, now here’s a man who lives a life dedicated to leisurely pursuits. Looks can certainly be deceiving. The big ass diamond on the end …
Jul 14
Little Lighthouses and Such During the three-thousand-mile road trip to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and back, I noticed a billboard just outside Crown Point, Indiana, heading south that summed up my vacation just about as succinctly as I’d ever be able to describe it with even the full might of my literary prowess. HELL IS REAL. …
Jul 07
What I Did on My Fourth of July by The Polish Hammer I’m not one prone to taking vacations. Not true vacations, anyway. Sure, I’ll go on weekend excursions to hang out at pop culture conventions. I’ll take long, meandering drives around the states surrounding Alabama. And, it could be argued, I’ve been on one …
Jun 30
All My Experiments Are Social in an Anti Sort of Way I might have mentioned Michael Harold Ryan in these pages before. We worked together in the chrome shop for ten years back in the wild west days of Hydra Hydraulics back before Michael got fired, found Jesus, and became an even more insufferable twit. …
Jun 23
Well, when I should have been writing this week’s column, I was instead writing the first chapter of a story that may or may not come together. I have some ideas moving forward. Not sure if it’s going to the back burner or if I’m going to give it more love in the coming week. …
Jun 16
How Many Polacks Does It Take to Build a Garden Gate? Well, I’ve been working on this fucking fenced enclosure for my wife’s garden for the better part of three months. I’ve got the wire fencing mostly vertical in a horizontal sort of way and the support stakes are anchored into the ground in such …
Jun 09
Art Appreciation A couple weekends ago, I had the opportunity to ride with the excitable crew of Rockin Robbie Billz, Maniacal Mike Matthews and Trevor up to Nashville for Galaxycon. I never miss the chance to show up for these pop culture conventions so long as I know Billy Zane isn’t going to be present. …
Jun 02
The White Trash Devil “Ellen’s invited us to her church to see Lovella get baptized,” the wife said, having busted into the bedroom like a snack cake chomping dervish. I sat there at my desk frozen for a moment. An untrained eye would have mistaken my industry for literary endeavor. The reality of it was …
