Feb 01
House of Horrors
I put out the welcome mat for the murderous spies with communist leanings who are always cramming into my house of horrors. Trembling under my bed I hear the cars pulling up. They took my baby and her pink dresses and beige shoes. Out on the asphalt bullets are hailing as they make off with …
Feb 01
The diving butter fly and a banging bell
If I have a stroke tomorrow and I can only talk through eye blinks it might take me ten years to tell my story but what I will eventually say is this: I had a good time, i was lucky. But I took life for granted because I thought it didn’t matter, and in the …
Feb 01
If I die before I wake, are you gay or straight
I was looking at the back of the world’s ugliest sweater. It’s the kind with the ribbon that goes in and out of the holes in a line of the pattern. You would like it. You think that sort of thing is pretty. We like different things. You like the ornate, I like simple, stripped …
Feb 01
After Watching the Night Porter
I want charlotte rampling to break my heart I want to feel her walk away a cold splash of burning water helpless as a baby in a six foot ditch I want charlotte rampling to break my heart Something so absolute It makes my valve replacement feel like a shitasu I want to be out …
Feb 01
How to call a feminist a dirty little whore and have her thank you for it
You look You look at her You look at her like you can actually see her You look at her like her doubt is the most beautiful thing You have ever seen And you… have no doubt No doubt that one way or another She is going to do whatever it takes And she understands …
Feb 01
Telephone Numbers Die in Los Angeles
If you try to use your cellphone in Los Angeles, you will become really lost and alone, because there is something about Los Angeles that causes cell phones to suddenly be run and controlled by strange companies; there is something in the sky that’s in the air in Los Angeles that contributes to the sound …
Feb 01
And Then the Following Happened
I drank the exotic beer and then a hot German girl with milky, pale skin and big ones appeared, and then after that I ate the cat food and then a meadow appeared festooned with hundreds of animated fish, and then after that I brushed my teeth with the new toothpaste and then a photogenic …
Feb 01
Holiday In Oaxaca
“Una cosa me da risa, Pancho Villa sin camisa.” I lift the flap of scalp, black as liver in the flashlight. I press it back in place. More or less. I stanch jets of blood–throbs of my own shrillness reddened, liquefied by mushrooms in a jungle omelette three days eaten. I press, feel bits of …
Feb 01
All the Lesbians I’ve Ever Slept With: THE EX OF THE EX
We’ve all done it. Haven’t we? I mean, obviously, I am a raging degenerate with absolutely no morals and very little self-respect, but come on. Even if you haven’t, don’t try and tell me you’ve never for one minute thought about it. I’m talking, of course, about the ex-girfriend’s ex-girlfriend. That forbidden fruit, that notoriously …