Feb 01

After Watching the Night Porter

I want     charlotte rampling to break my heart

I want to feel her walk away
a cold splash of burning water
helpless as a baby in a six foot ditch

I want charlotte rampling to break my heart

Something so absolute
It makes my valve replacement feel like a shitasu

I want to be out manned and out woman’d
Out flanked, out fucked and shit out of lunchtime

I want to look into those gray eyes and frostbite
fatal paper cut by cheekbone
I want to be a blathering wreck because for once
I can’t not only, not have what I want
I won’t ever want anything again

Ruin    me charlotte rampling
You are the great devil bird suspendered
The only one
where nothing that could happen between us
Could ever elicit the response
It goes back to my mother

You are the archetype
You make the most beautiful brown eyed jewess
An egg carrying polish hen

You are my destiny charlotte rampling
My supremely beautiful & borderless ghost fucker
I collapse to my accordion knees, nauseous
In sanguine genuflection

How dare you dote on me
And get my hopes up
You’re a full grown menace

Decimate me Charlotte rampling

Destroy me with your narrow hipped science
your table of elements
has only 3 boxes
One for hydrogen
One for apathy
And one for disgust

Make me feel your 200 secrets
be the first one to tell me my best isn’t good enough
not that I didn’t try hard enough
but that I wasn’t good enough,
brain not big enough
cock not smart enough
& so so at best on charisma.

Rip me to shreds
Make me feel something

Oh to whelp in a shrill voice
“you lied to me…You fucking lied to me… why would you do that…why ?”

I know you’re crazy
But I don’t care
Why be in love with a human being when I can be in love
With u
Sea glass waistline
Your small sacred tits
Dropped on from a staggering height
And yolks not broken

The crack of ur ass a fissure in the time space continuum

The small of ur back
Quite simply
The most beautiful plot of tiny real estate
That has been, is now or will ever be

Rain on me charlotte rampling
So the song of my pain is so pure
“Plato cries iron tears”
So I can kneel on a bar stool next to orpheus
And relate
one alcoholic to another

I want you to    break my heart charolotte rampling
Break it so bad
I’m too startled to scream “you inhuman fucking cunt!”
Too numb for a great performance
Too shattered for even a clovis of winning you back

Only you can break this broken heart

You feral cat
You can’t even be trusted to crawl
not even    to crawl

That’s the first line you’ve    liked
isn’t it?
isn’t it?

If I slap u again I wont ever stop crying
Could I talk myself out of you
Before I starved to death in female Vienna

The last time I held u in my arms
I bled more than u
It struck me so clear:
This is like buying a 10 cent oven mitt
Off a park bench retard
And reaching directly for the sun

I told you right off

I dont believe in beauty
I believe in imperfection
And thin lips

please angel, please… laugh in my face
I deserve it…no one deserves it anymore than I

Please Charlotte Rampling
hang me in the lost italian streets
From the ego’s forgetful meat hook

a women     so terribly beautiful
that I cannot tell
Whether this poem is about you
or me.

–Tommy Swerdlow