she’s coming over
her upcoming inaugural visit
to the poet cave has me
looking around noticing a few
minor adjustments are in order
the bathroom sink is ringed
with whisker-bits from a week
of morning shaves and the cheap
toilet paper has to be replaced
with a softer and plusher brand
that i can’t stand but keep stashed
in a closet for those special occasions
the toilet bowl looks like an experiment
from my high school biology class
and requires heavy duty applications
of various near-toxic chemicals
to make it presentable
the sheets on the bed
are stripped and tossed
into the washing machine
i even use some softener
because you never know when
luck might be a lady tonight
suddenly remembering last night
indulging in a bag of doritos
drinking a few cold ones while
watching a not-so-great
college football game
i run the vacuum cleaner
across the rug in hopes
of finding the roque
toenail clippings that
landed in the carpet
during halftime
last but not least
opening the fridge
tossing out a few odd smelling
strips of uncooked bacon
and finding the Oscar Meyer weiner
i was saving for a rainy day
it waves at me from the far back of the bottom shelf
hiding behind the salad greens i forgot i had
weiners never go bad
but a solitary weenie
in a zip-lock baggie
is a little creepy
into the garbage
it goes
i’m down to a respectable
two beers and an elegant
but moderately-priced
bottle of white wine
(cork, no twist off cap)
hell, now i have so much class
it’s almost poetic
Richard Vargas earned his B.A. at Cal State University, Long Beach, where he studied under Gerald Locklin. He edited/published five issues of The Tequila Review, 1978-1980, and twelve issues of The Mas Tequila Review from 2010-2015. Vargas received his MFA in Creative Writing from the University of New Mexico, 2010, where he workshopped his poems with Joy Harjo. A sixth book, The Screw City Poems, was released in July 2025, Roadside Press. He currently resides in the hometown of Cheap Trick and legendary porn star Ginger Lynn. https://www.richardvargaspoet.com/
