by Shali Nicholas
List the guy who tosses his soda can out of the car on the freeway.
List the guy who tosses his beer can out of the car on the freeway.
List artists who randomly slap paint globs on canvas and then charge $300 for it.
List Andy Warhol.
List the guy who wears a zip up sweater.
List the guy who doesn’t wear an undershirt under his zip up sweater.
List some of your mom’s ex-boyfriends.
List the chic who asks the prof an irrelevant question three minutes before class ends.
List the prof who gives her a ten minute irrelevant answer.
List people who replace their spouses with their kids.
List people who replace their kids with a heroin habit.
List estranged couples who replace their weapons with their children.
List revisionists.
List the bank that took your house.
List the politicians who gave the banks a hand up after they took your house.
List the chic who reads the book after watching the movie.
List the chic who watches the movie instead of reading the book.
List anyone who claims to have, or actually has, read Ulysses.
List anyone who saw Titanic in the theatre.
List anyone who saw Titanic in the theater for a second time.
List pushers who sell weed to sixth graders.
List McDonald’s.
List old ladies who stroll on the treadmill while watching soap operas.
List old ladies who run you over in the Stater Bros. Parking lot.
List the entire dada movement.
List poets who write list poems.
List parents who change the baby’s diaper at the beach and then leave it.
List BP.
List all Dodger fans.
List Chik-Fil-A customers.
List David Duke.
List the co-worker who said she was frightened when she saw a black man walking
across the parking lot toward her.