Epitaph Revisions (11/1999-2/2002)
11/26/99 (started thinking about death)
Here lies Steve Delahoyde. A fairly good person who died suddenly, but with some semblance of grace (if that's at all possible).
1/10/00 (new girlfriend / job)
Here lies Mr. Steven Delahoyde, always an honest, good, caring, sensitive man. Those around him understood his compassion for his fellow man, his tremendous sense of humor, his winning smile, his strong, handsome physique, and for those, and the countless other reasons, he will be missed each and every day until the end of time.
5/9/00 (girlfriend moves in / promotion)
Steve Delahoyde, who was born with direction and purpose and fulfilled every single dream he ever had, lies with tranquility, here. When he'd finished with his own staggering ambitions, at the tender, young age of twenty-three, he began helping others with their dreams and ambitions. Hordes of people were benefited by this one man's existence, more so than all the monotheistic religious figures combined. If it weren't for his tragic, untimely death, the masses can only speculate how close the world would have come to an idyllic utopia.
8/1/00 (break-up with girlfriend)
Steve Delahoyde lies here, dead and alone. It is doubtful that you remember him or would have even cared to when he was drudging about in life -- you probably had better things to do and felt like you were being smothered, didn't have enough time for yourself. You're probably just standing on this gravesite so you can get a better picture of your great grandmother's tombstone or something. Go ahead, at least someone is getting some use out of him. Besides, what does he care -- he's dead.
10/28/00 (one night stand with attractive young lady while on vacation)
Steve Delahoyde, whose charm was only exceeded by his sexual prowess, lies here, no doubt perishing after a particularly exciting lovemaking session with one, if not several, young women, each of different, exciting ethnicities. While during his life, he was not always perfect or a shining example of a perfect citizen, he will be remembered for his seductive glares, his tremendous efficiency at whispering sweet nothings, and his uncanny ability to get through awkward, hung over mornings without having to ask "What was your name again?"
2/18/01 (lost job)
Steve Delahoyde died, okay? What else do you want to know?
4/15/01 (no job still)
Steve Delahoyde lays deceased, right here, right where you're standing. Not that you'd notice him, would you? Sure, he probably tried to get your attention by sending you his resume, printed on paper he couldn't afford at the time. Or, okay, so maybe some of it wasn't all that factual or maybe he didn't really know how to hook up that internet server router thing, or whatever it was, but he was trying! Is that so much to ask?!? He was desperate! He needed money! His savings were running low and he was having to borrow money from his parents (his parents!!!) just to pay the rent! But did you care, you snot nosed little HR Manger, Director, or whoever you were? No you didn't... [epitaph dwindles off into incoherent rants from here]
9/6/01 (new job, more money)
Here lies Steve Delahoyde, a man who pulled himself from out of the gutter and made himself back into the promising person he once was. While there were certainly difficult times throughout his life, he always pulled through, launching himself back into the world will full force and back into his usual display of outstanding productivity. He will be missed by most everyone, particularly those he worked with, those who saw the tremendous value of his newly-created position, despite their initial complaints.
12/31/01 (runs into ex-girlfriend and talks for awhile)
Steve Delahoyde woke up every morning, went to work, ate, slept, and then died. What was the reason behind all of it? Did it even have a purpose? Maybe if he'd had someone in his life, gotten into something serious and started a family, maybe then he'd have seen what he'd been missing. Or was he happier being alone, working on his career? Regardless, he will be missed. Won't he?
1/9/02 (meets girl)
Here lies a man who had a great deal of questions and then, one day, he stopped asking them. He'd seen the answer, standing there, right in front of him, at the park, wearing a green sweater and asking for the time. No more needs to be said. He died happy
Here lies Steve Delahoyde, used to write little stories, some of which were a little morbid.
About the author:
Steve Delahoyde is a writer who doesn't have any, um, any trouble, really any at all, just, you know, coming up with funny things to talk about, or say, or whatever.