Meet Me At Cheers Charlotte Redux Again

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An introduction which contains a split infinitive

Note: This piece deftly addresses Where Everybody Knows Their Flight by whitney pastorek.
It appeared in the 09.08.2000 edition of Pindeldyboz.

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An introduction which does not contain a split infinitive

Note: In a deft manner, this piece addresses Where Everybody Knows Their Flight by whitney pastorek.
It appeared in the 09.08.2000 edition of Pindeldyboz.

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Time of Arrival: 10:04 AM 25 May 01
Smoking/Non Smoking: Smoking
Waitress: Mimi

Program showing on the televisions: ER
Title of Episode: "John Carter MD"

Order: "The Continental"
Order description: "Warm colossal muffin, yogurt, and whole seasonal fruit, served with piping hot coffee!"
Price: $5.99

Analysis of Order: "Colossal Muffin" is in fact of average size, although it was indisputably warm. Coffee not 'piping hot', but rather 'lukewarm' or perhaps even 'tepid'. Also: Coffee served in clear glass mug.
Percent that creeps me out for no discernable reason other than I dislike consuming hot beverage from a clear glass mug: 88%
Whole seasonal fruit: Banana.

Song playing when my order arrived: "Save the Best for Last," Vanessa Williams.
Number of times Vanessa Williams appeared in a men¹s magazine showing of her thingy and her hoo-has: 1

Order of Couple Sitting Next to Me: Diet Coke (Diet Pepsi, substituted); Jim Bean and Coke (Crown Royal, Pepsi substituted); Fried Mozzarella Sticks.

Time of C.S.N.T.M.¹s order: 10:11 AM

Selected phrases from the celphone conversation conducted by male aspect of C.S.N.T.M.:
"What kind of problems are you having with the loader?"
"We need to be easing off a few percentage points."
"The biggest thing is that we don¹t want to buy any logs anywhere, we want to start keeping our home costs lower."
"And the problems with the loader."
"What¹s wrong with the loader?"
"I guess we'll have to fix the loader."
"Okay, Rick."

Babies amused by balloons: 1

Amount of beer contained in a "Norm¹s Big Brewski" which was consumed by the Skanky Middle-Aged Woman In Zebra-Striped Sweater: "One Litre (sic)"

Bloody Marys ordered by Weird Lady In Blue (Who Kept Looking at Me the Whole Time): 2

Time of day W.L.I.B (W.K.L.A.M.T.W.T.) ordered her second Bloody Mary: 10:15 AM

Number of food and drink items named after "Cheers" Characters: 10

Number of men in Meet Me At Cheers Charlotte that bore uncanny likenesses to TV Actor and funnyman Michael Gross: 2

Ergo, number of men in MMACC who looked like one another: 2

Percent chance that either of these men were in fact TV Actor and Funnyman Michael Gross: 16%

Total M.M.@.C.C. Staff: 10
Total M.M.@.C.C. Patrons: 21

Mullets: 2

Cigarettes I smoked: 2.5

Tab total: $6.44
With tip: $10.00

Number of people I introduced myself to as "Charles Barkley": 0
Times I thought about doing it: about a hundred

Time departed: 10:40 AM

About the author:

Matt Fraction wants the White Stripes to play at his wedding. He works for MK12 ( and writes at night. Like a nerdy super-hero.