Do It Now!
Why waste valuable seconds of your precious life dancing around the fringes of your own SELF-LOATHING, when with the ready assistance of EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONALS you can drive right to the source of all of that PATHETIC INSECURITY today? You might as well DIVE RIGHT IN! It‚s never going away. There’s a rapidly growing demand for whatever self-loathing misery people can produce. The market is becoming quickly flooded with MEDIOCRE ALSO-RANS. Do you really want to be just another dilettante dabbling like an amateur in the morbid, self-flagellating arts? Of course you don’t, who would? With the help of our team of professionally trained, vastly experienced experts, who have themselves spent agonizingly long, sordid and AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL years of gut-twisting frustration and general moaning and whining for the public dollar, you too can learn how to yank out your guts with your own three fingers for examination under the glare of the PUBLIC EYE. It’s YOUR MISERY! Why let someone else beat you to the exploitation of it? Join the growing legions of semi-coherent, mostly drug-abusing outcasts as they hover (with a glint of malevolent glee glowing in their half-demented eyes) over their growing model of the architecture of the stupefying ghastliness of a life they’ve been forced to put up with all these years wearing a stupid grin to cloak their underlying sense of HELLISH DREAD for fear of having that dread multiplied EXPONENTIALLY under the force of a group of unappreciative fascists out to justify their own perfectly useless excuses of an existence by stamping out immediately anything which might remind them of the fate which awaits us all. That’s right! You’re going to die, and NONE TOO SOON! Make that quick buck TODAY! Sure some poor bug-eyed sap is slaving for gruel 3,000 hours a week in some obscure malarial backwater sump somewhere far removed from the comfortable spot on your living room couch where you sit fretting nominally for a few seconds a day in a short tense moment of pathetic middle-class middle-American guilt. Who cares? You don’t -- not really. You want to make a fast buck, you want to make a lot of them, and you want to do it now! And now you can! Thousands have mined the mother lode of their personal agony for the ready dollars of the inexplicably insatiable eye of the public mind, and thousands, millions more will. For years to come, maybe forever! Who knows when this madness will end? Hopefully, for the sake of the major corporations that feed off of the misery of artists willing to fight for the articulation of their inner gnawing emptiness and the misery of a paying audience who feed their emptiness with the expulsed expressed emptiness of others, not for a good long time. The truth is, some say the madness we’ve seen so far is only just the beginning, a preparation for far greater, crazier insanity to come. All the more reason to not be left behind, nursing only a vague inarticulate sense of dissatisfaction at life, when you can GO THE DISTANCE and start striking gold today, putting words to all of those shapeless, but somehow bottomless fears you’ve been nursing for years, under the expert guidance of our in-house staff of obsessive-compulsive, bipolar, manic-depressive, neurotic, sociopathic, and even psychopathic advisors! Don’t worry -- they’re medicated! And they KNOW THEIR STUFF. Do they ever. You’ve wasted enough time, DON’T YOU THINK? Go to the source, articulate the worst nightmares that you entertain about your pathetic life EVERY DAY, do it for REAL, COLD, HARD CASH, and do it TODAY!
About the author:
Fritz is not unlike the sound that is made when a paperclip is put in an electric socket.