Mar 17

My Friend with Cerebral Palsy

Back in college I had this friend named Larry. We lived on the same street and struck up a fast friendship.

Larry had cerebral palsy, so he couldn’t talk or move his arms and legs too well and was in an electric wheelchair.

Everyone thought he was retarded.

But he wasn’t. In fact, he was quite intelligent. He read the newspaper online and watched international news channels on his digital cable box.

Larry liked to smoke weed, drink, and go to bars to look at girls’ asses. He told me how he got this girl he met on Craigslist to give him a blowjob and that he fucked this girl in our US History class, who was also in a wheelchair.

He told me how this guy he met in a bar came over to his house to smoke hash and how the guy asked him to fuck and how he threatened to call the cops on the guy if the guy didn’t leave right then and there…

But Larry didn’t go out all that much. He had his groceries delivered from the Internet and cooked his food in a crockpot. He moved about his apartment surprisingly fast, crawling around the carpet on his arms and knees, using his elbows to push buttons and open and close doors.

Larry smoked soft packs of Marlboro lights…

Larry hated cats and got angry anytime he saw one. He kept the thermostat in his place at a balmy 85 degrees, all year round. He wore lots of Axe body spray.

He only really talked about himself or girls and once proudly proclaimed that he’d watched every single episode of “Married with Children” twice or more…

People in public, particularly children, gawked at Larry. But it never seemed to bother him or at least he didn’t show it…

Larry and I fucked hookers together sometimes. One time we did it in his kitchen with a hooker who was over six feet tall, kinda chubby, and fortyish. She wore too much makeup but still had a pretty face.

(“Top Gun” was Larry’s favorite movie, largely because his Dad was a fighter pilot. His favorite groups were the Backstreet Boys, Enya, and Disturbed.)

Larry said multiple times that he likes getting blowjobs better than having sex and that he really wanted to get sucked off by Ann Coulter…

A couple days after Homecoming ‘02 I went over to his apartment and one of his friends I’d never met was there, telling ethnic jokes, and they flicked on some Russian rape porn, pulled out their penises and began to masturbate in tandem, sitting right next to each other on the couch…

We sort of lost touch but every so often I’d go by his apartment, as he’d need occasional assistance calling a cab, because the cab dispatchers would think it was a joke when he’d call and would hang up on him.

–Newamba Flamingo