If you try to use your cellphone in Los Angeles,
you will become really lost and alone,
because there is something about Los Angeles
that causes cell phones to suddenly be run
and controlled by strange companies;
there is something in the sky that’s in the air
in Los Angeles that contributes to the sound of fear
and to mysterious aircraft hovering
just inside of the city-lit clouds at night
and when you look at the little screen on your phone
you’ll find that you don’t recognize any of the numbers
and the numbers that you thought you had memorized
are not in your phone anymore; you can’t find them
and now you can’t remember phone numbers
that you need to always be able to remember:
the numbers of your last two significant others,
the number that will actually connect you,
even at midnight, to a real human being
at the bank where all your money lives,
the numbers to all of the people
you like to think of as friends
even though you rarely ever call them,
which is a shame, a damned shame
since they’ve been sitting there wondering
what’s been going on with you lately,
the number your father said you could call
anytime you ever needed anything
and the number to the only hospital in the world
that really knows what’s wrong with you;
if you ever go to Los Angeles, please pray first
and tell everyone that you love
that you love them before you go,
just in case Lost Angeles is the kind of place
you could never come home from;
better to leave your phone at home
than take it with you to the city of lost angels.
–Rich Boucher