Jan 04

Radio Raffle Time!


Got five bucks? Got more? Feeling guilty, 1%??? Welcome to the first LU Radio Raffle! All you have to do is toss a donation in the kitty (see right column) and your name will be added to the famous Fez, where lucky winners will be drawn LIVE on our January 13 Project U Radio show. See fine print for the legal blah blah blah.

Fancy yourself an aficionado of international cuisine?

You could win a GIFT BASKET OF CONDIMENTS, courtesy of Frankie Metro, maintained under ideal refrigerator conditions and lovingly culled from visitors at the Kurky Hostel.

Live and breathe weaving? We are offering a plush pile of organic fibers, groomed and hand trimmed by Broncho John in his Hoosier Hippie Haven, a rescue sanctuary. Broncho bathes and rehabilitates hundreds of hippies each year, releasing them back into the wild as scrubbed citizens. We appreciate his donation to our raffle as some of our staff have utilized his services.

We are lucky to have a gently used pair of supportive compression stockings and diabetic footwear courtesy of Phyllis Miller over at Project U’s favorite hi-rise. Don’t miss out on this valuable combo as she assures us that they were very expensive by 1978 standards.

We have an assortment of items from the medicine cabinet of Paul Corman-Roberts, including some prescription! Yes, folks, this is truly the mother lode of prizes and they aren’t even expired.

Brian Fugett donated a case of Pupperoni Dog Treats and he is willing to throw in a chap if your dog considers himself a reader of smutarama. Speaking of smut, Karl Koweski graciously donated an economy size tub of Polish Hammer Love Jammer petroleum jelly, sealed. (see fine print below)

We have more prizes, and more opportunities to get your paws on some serious literary memorabilia. But you have to pay to play. Paypal, mail, or promise your donation to the Literary Underground between now and when our radio show airs and your name could be drawn for a piece of history!

Raffle Disclaimers:

By reading this legal stuff, you are agreeing to it.

The organizers are not responsible for the quality or integrity of any prizes listed and make no representations as to their fitness for use or consumption.

The organizers will not be responsible for any injuries, illness, lost wages, damages to property or person, that may result from the acquisition and use of raffle prizes.

Please consult a doctor before enjoying compression stockings.

The wooden duck collection may or may not have come from Frank Reardon.

We cannot guarantee the seal on any Polish Hammer products, or that they will arrive with any packaging or instructions. Please lube responsibly. Don’t operate machinery or drive while using Polish Hammer products.

We frown upon the use of any medications intended for others and we want it to be known that we categorically disapprove of the donations of Paul Corman-Roberts. We happen to know, as well, that his generic nasal spray is expired.

Prizes may or may not be actually awarded and no literacy assertions are to be understood from the Pupperoni/chapbook combo pack on the part of your dog or any others.

Use common sense. Donate, but don’t have high expectations. Thank you. Good luck!