Suicide by Barbara Hilal

SUICIDE

A fetal form as yet unborn
vague and dark and gray
When I close my eyes and think of her
the phantom figures form
As if in my body she lodged
and waited for a brighter day.
She’s gone but lingers like a song
a ghostly spirit……… fey
Asleep, ethereal dreamless sleep
she waits a birthing time or place
A fetal form, as yet unborn
vague and dark and gray
As if in my body she lodged
and waited for a brighter day
Banishing fear and living aware
of love and joy and life
To be reborn without the scorn
she suffered along the way
They cannot die who were never alive
limping ,balking through their way
Aping desires and thoughts of the masses
seeing the world with an alien eye
A fetal form , as yet unborn
vague and dark and gray
As if in my body she lodged
and waited for a brighter day
Remembering when they they found her there
just ash and bone and teeth
A gasoline can and papers near
She killed herself, they say
Stillborn spirit, unborn soul
Her life story left untold
A fetal form as yet unborn
vague and dark and gray
As if in my body she lodged
and waited for a brighter day.

–Barbara Hilal

I will make a confession… by Barbara Hilal

I WILL MAKE A CONFESSION…

Some time ago I went to a private club
with a girlfriend who was a member..
a male friend there had drank too much.

(He was married)
he had come alone;
she asked if he could stay
at my house..
well he was drunk so I let him
have my bed and slept what
hours were left on the sofa and then
saw he was shaking and frightened
when I got up for work

I had to call his friend to
come get him as he was
having palpatations
He didnt know me or
where he was.

He wasn’t an old man I think
he woke up
saw a skull sculpture on my bookcase,
a deck of Tarot cards and numerous
books on the occult and got a scare..I
used to read cards.

I was terrified at work ..
Of course that my fellow
workers would think he had the attack from
passionate lovemaking..
so I couldnt have the comfort of my peers.

I heard he never drank again.

–Barbara Hilal