100 SEX VIGNETTES, #1: I don’t think I’ll get very far like this

As is our wont at Flatmancrooked, we’re embarking on another series. This one is called 100 Sex Vignettes, and I suppose much of it will get written by the inimitable Thomas McCafferty, whose career as Trimalchio impends; after all, he loves to throw a dinner party. All good literati are obsessed with sex–it’s successes, it’s filth, and it’s failures–so, good literati we shall be.

– James Kaelan


A man and woman in a bedroom, queen-sized bed, nude. TV on a chair in the corner. Remote on the nightstand. Very tidy room. Shoes in a shoe rack. Literature about breast augmentation in a stack on the book shelf.

He touched her breast. “It’s soft,” he remarked.

“I think supple is the word,” she said. “Soft makes me think of fuzz and fur, and hair by extension, which doesn’t turn me on.”

“How about a good thrust? I think I’m ready now.”

“Might want to prep me a bit first.”

“Right, that. Care to watch a flick?”

“You are lazy.”

“Some people say it’s my best trait.”

“No, not something to be proud of.”

“Must be proud of what you can do well, and deny everything else. That’s how I always look at it.”

“You talk so much.”

“Yes, that too.”

“I for one could be served better.”

“But not by a more eloquent, relaxed man.”

“It is a shame.”

“How about that thrust?”

“No kiss? No lube? No moisture of any kind?”

“A little spit?”

“You are a man of a class.”

“A man of his own resources, I like to think. In we go!”

“You’re a pinch tight.”

“Rather. But I’m sure you’ll get those juices going, which reminds me. We’re out of butter.”

“Do we have to stay in tonight? It’d be so nice to eat down at the shore.”

“I could go for some mussels after this. Get the old blood flowing again.”

“I thought that was just oysters did that.”

“And a beer. A man could use a drink, yes. Having a good time?”

“Splendid. Mind turning me? I don’t think I’ll get very far like this.”

Read Love in the Time of Instant Messaging, Part I

By Thomas McCafferty

2 Responses to “100 SEX VIGNETTES, #1: I don’t think I’ll get very far like this”

  1. (not) Brent Newland says:

    im jerking it rite now irl

  2. (not) Brent Newland says:

    cld yall mayb rite a little bit about wat it feels like inside a women next time i totally know b/c i been w/ tons of them but i wanna see what yall think